My rage against reality causes stress
‘I don’t want this to be happening!’
Well, I could be referring to political events here in Britain or around the world. It certainly would be true! My rage against reality causes stress. Do you recognise how this happens for you in your daily life?
‘I wish my child wasn’t ill’
‘My partner should understand me’
‘Why is my friend not supporting me?’
‘My neighbour needs to mend their fence’
‘My children should pick up their dirty washing from the bedroom floor’
‘I want the meeting to cover a, b and c with no unexpected points arising’
‘This family get-together must go perfectly, with brilliant food, everyone happy and not a single hitch to the day’
‘My colleague should stop gossiping’
‘I want the sun to be shining’
Byron Katie says:
‘These thoughts are ways of wanting reality to be different than it is … All the stress that we feel is caused by arguing with what is… When we stop opposing reality, action becomes simple, fluid, kind, and fearless.’
So the stress and discomfort arises when we fight against reality. When your thoughts are, ‘I don’t want this to be happening,’ it’s not reality itself that causes the stress. It’s your rage against reality that causes your stress!
So when you think: ‘I don’t want this to be happening’, the first thing to do is take out the first three words ‘I don’t want’:
‘This is happening’
‘This is the reality right now’
Make a list of things you wish were different. Take out your words of resistance. See how this illustrates what Byron Katie says. Does this make sense?
Let it be!
Then sit and meditate – simply be with yourself. Accept the moment as it is. Accept how you’ve been resisting so much of what is actually happening in your life. Acknowledge your part in creating stress. Simply let it be!
Every day you can practice being with what is. This is your mindful way of life. Accept the present moment.
It doesn’t, however, mean that you simply let circumstances overwhelm you.
Yes, you surrender, so you’re no longer fighting uselessly against facts. Or set yourself expectations which you really have no control over.
Learn to focus on your business. On what you yourself can do. On your behaviour. That’s what you’re in charge of – your response.
Byron Katie says:
‘You may come to see that you’ve never really been present, that you’ve been mentally living in other people’s business all your life. Just to notice that you’re in someone else’s business can bring you back to your own wonderful self.’
Do comment below if you realise you’ve been railing against someone or something for years – and now you can simply let it be! And focus on what YOU will do next.
If you like the simplicity of this idea, have a look at our next Mindfulness Courses taking place soon. Simple shifts in our behaviour can have profound results. Mindfulness is one of these profound skills.
‘Loving What Is’ by Byron Katie
A useful read: How to feel empowered
Yvette Jane – Mindfulness & Meditation Coach