Be you… let your confidence rest in your essence, not function
Your ‘function’ is when you describe yourself as your work and things that you ‘do’.
Remember that your true self is more like this:
Your essence is you. Without anything else to define you.
That sentence may seem stark, without embellishment.
Notice if it seems insufficient. If you are not what you do, who are you?
What lies beneath ‘busy’?
We all have default settings. These are deeply entrenched programmes that we often exhibit as behaviours without our awareness. They’re habits. And they usually dismiss the idea that you are enough simply as you are.
Some behaviours can be helpful, but many are so interwoven with the long-distance of our lives that they’ve become ways in which we define ourselves. We therefore think they are unchangeable.
‘… you developed certain patterns of behavior due to a belief programming … to keep you from feeling unwanted anxiety and hurt … they are causing more harm than good’
~ Karen Salmansohn
Our culture supports being busy
Some behaviours are actively supported by our culture.
‘Hard work’, ‘life is tough’, ‘no time to rest on your laurels’ etc.
There is nothing wrong with being busy, but it becomes an issue when the idea of stillness, time to replenish in a calm and gentle manner, is actively criticized. It’s not regarded as essential for our wellbeing.
Even if you are not doing such work, you may still find your life is a whirlwind because it’s all you’ve ever known. There are times in our life when this may be inevitable, especially when you have children or a very demanding job.
But there may be a destructive point where you feel that you’ve lost sense of who you are. Or you are so busy that you place the needs of others above and beyond your own health.
Perhaps you take on more and more responsibilities, even when life changes may be offering you the chance to slow down and savour life.
Where do you start with delving into this conundrum of being busy and losing your true self?
Start with a mindful breath. Literally, notice that you are breathing. Or rather, your body is breathing for you.
To ‘know thyself’ is to go within. This the task of mining the jewels within yourself. It starts with the breath and might continue with a notebook and pen at bedtime.
In the stillness and the quiet recall how you behaved during the day.
This little quote might point in a direction that may perhaps help:
‘You don’t have relationship problems, you have childhood problems that are disguising themselves as relationship problems’
~ Raz Soos
And it’s not about judging and berating yourself because of this. It’s a continuous opportunity to gently enquire within.
Explore your true self
It can be very complex, so for example, my teenage years were very isolated and lonely. But I found ways to fill the vast emptiness – ways that served a purpose at the time.
But then we may find ourselves using these same tools again and again, until they become destructive and we feel powerless. As adults some of our childhood defences become a double-edged sword.
You’re wearing disguises
This is just the tip of the iceberg – there are many more layers within us all. We are complex and our behaviour is often nuanced. Some things seem obvious, others are disguised more deeply.
You can have a busy job, and/or a busy life. The key is where your mind and heart are when it’s happening.
Because that’s the start of really living a life that is unique to you.
Mindfulness and meditation can help with this. It’s a radical act in a world that worships ‘busy’.
Let yourself bloom today and with stillness, discover your true self!